Reflecting

Do you know what you were doing on the evening of June 8, 2008? I wouldn't if it weren't for a very important journal entry that has stuck in my brain. It was storming out, and I was incredibly lost, even though I was sitting at my kitchen table. Confused, lonely, dissatisfied, bored, desperate. Just lost. I felt like I was a failure and that I'd been left behind by the world. I began a new journal that evening. This is an excerpt from that entry:

"Where was I a year or two ago?... Is this what I wanted to be doing in a year or two a year or two ago? Nope. I'm not content, not fulfilled. Where will I be in another year or two? I have no more excuses, it's time to jump."

And by jump, I didn't mean off a building. I wasn't that kind of depressed! I just knew that there was more out there for me... I wasn't living life to the max! 

A year ago, I was preparing to leave the country and join TREK. I had no idea what to expect and to which country I'd be sent to. I was excited and scared stupid but had a peace that passed understanding. Sitting here a year later, I can honestly say that this has probably been the best year of my life. And not because it was all rainbows and sunshine and laughing babies (although I've had a good dose of all of that!). This year has been tough! This year I really felt like I was walking with God and really following his leading.

So... what about this year? I'm starting school in a week and again... feeling scared stupid, but I have that peace! I've never been excited for school before and I actually am a little excited for the classes I'm taking and for what the future holds! (Check back in a month!) I desire to spend another year (and all the ones following) to continue walking in step with the Lord. 

So... what will you be doing in a year? Working in a job that you hate? Traveling the globe? Starting something new? Perhaps you will become a professional underwater basket weaver. Okay, the last one's not likely, but if you can dream it, you can do it! 

Until next time...

Back to normal

This week I caught myself thinking 'Hmm, guess life is back to normal.' I mean, after all, my car is beginning to have that lived in feel, I'm back to living at home with my parents, I'm working in some cubicle in an office, and once again I'm wondering what my next steps are. 

But, man, I don't want normal. I don't want the old normal back and I certainly don't want to settle into another routine of comfort. 

So what will be different this time? A renewed sense of purpose?  New goals? I don't want to be bored with life and I certainly don't want to waste it!

So I'm not entirely sure yet. 

What about you? Are you settled into a routine of comfort?

Until next time...

What comes from boredom.

I don't pretend to be a poet. But then again, I wrote a poem, so by definition I am a poet. So let me rephrase, I don't pretend to be a talented poet. Alas, I'm willing to embarrass myself. I'm not really sure it makes sense or flows. Oh well. Regardless, enjoy.

Untitled

Here I am a-gain

Feeling that same old pain

When will it go away, when will it go away

What is all of this for

This constant knocking at the door

When will it go away, when will it go away

A feeling of needing more

'Cause this life is such a bore

When will it go away, when will it go away

Now you've shown me what I'm worth

What a treasure to unearth

It doesn't go away, it doesn't go away

This bewildering love I must share

Give others a new breath of air

It doesn't go away, it doesn't go away

Lord, thank you for this passion

May it always be my mission

Don't let it slip away, don't let it slip away

~Andrea Haley

Until next time...

Update.

I know that you've all been waiting with baited breath for my next blog post. Really, you can breathe now!

Well, I feel like I should put up a new blog post. Partially to keep people coming back in the future (though this post might bore you to the point of no return) and really, I just like blogging. It's a nice way to get my thoughts out (I'm not patient enough to actually write these things out in a journal!) and document my time, and get feedback from friends!

So, still playing catch-up with some friends these days! Applying for lots of various jobs and trying to be so very patient while waiting for that one special company to realize what gem I am! Doing some odd jobs to pay the bills in the meantime! Enjoying sleeping in nearly every morning! Yesterday and today I spent some time with some really fun people, finding 'the dress' for a super special friend. Yup, been busy! :)

So... that's that. I think this is just a grab bag post. And, here's a picture of my silly dog:

He's so goofy sometimes. Just chillin in the corner.

Um. Well. I guess that's all for now! :)

Until next time...

Hope.

Yes. There is hope!

Hope that I'll get a job (I just put in a couple applications!)

Hope that my suitcases will quit vomiting all over my room! I'm taking time today to unpack/purge/clean

Hope that I'll win the lottery and be footloose and fancy free! (well there's maybe not as much hope for this one!)

And definitely a hope that I will figure out what really is next!

There's hope for it all! I'm trying to be optimistic, and remembering that vision that the Lord gave me of only seeing the little bit that the Light illuminated in the dark. It's still okay to not really know. By not knowing I'm all the more dependent on the Lord's leading!

In the meantime, I'm certainly enjoying my first summer without a job since high school! I've been able to catch up with some friends, see my family, eat some really great food, and facebook stalk a lot! (Yeah, that's right! I'm not ashamed, but you maybe should be! I saw those pictures you posted, yeah! You! ;) )

So. Not that I don't care about the future, I'm actually very excited! I just am not stressed about it right now!

'Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.' -1 Peter 5:7

So, do you have anxieties that your holding tightly to? The Lord cares for you! Turn your burdens over to Him!

BTW- Happy Independence Day! :)

Baby, you're a firework.

Until next time...

Is it possible that I could typing this up on the actual drive home? Yes. I have internet through my dad's phone to my computer! Crazy technology! Why not use this long long drive to accomplish a blog entry?!

Well... at this moment, I'm somehere between Salina, Kansas and Olathe, Kansas! Getting excited to see lots of friends and family over the next few days, as well as sleeping in my own bed!

Approximately 2000+ miles, one province, 6 states, a bag of sunflower seeds, countless potty stops, and amazingly, only one slightly sketchy hotel room later- We've seen lots of awesome places (and some less than exciting) I'm so thankful to my family for humoring me and picking me up in BC rather than just the airport in KC! We've had lots of laughs and it was a great way to catch up with them, but also to give myself ample time to process and think about the upcoming weeks and months. No real solid plans yet, but I trust that the Lord will continue to be faithful and guide my every step!

So really, I don't have much else to say, so maybe I'll just show some pictures? Sure... 

Dinner with the Family in Bellingham, Wa

The Original Starbucks in Seattle!

Top of a mountain in Wa, snows over my head! Brr!!

Well, expect more blogs. The journey certainly doesn't stop here! And be sure to look out for more pictures on Facebook!

Until next time...

After departure, before arrival.

Well, friends. As they say, the first half of TREK is over, now comes the second half. This is the part where I go. Go back home or wherever God takes me next and tell the stories of the great things he is doing; in the world, but also in my heart! 

Props to Vancouver musician, Lance Odegard for the title of this blog. You see, long story short, there's a band that kind of became a favorite amongst the trekkers and even our friends in The Philippines called 'Gungor'. They're great, check out this song of theirs:

My apologies in advance, because this will probably get stuck in your head!

Well, they just happened to be in concert in a neighboring city during debrief!! How exciting; of course several of us wanted to go. 

BEST CONCERT EVER!! (I'm pretty sure that that's a totally accurate statement, but don't quote me.)

So much talent in this band. Anywhoo... Lance Odegard is a local musician that opened for Gungor. To be honest, his portion of the show was mostly less than exciting. Except for a particular song that stood out to me. It was called - you guessed it! 'After departure, before arrival'. He told us before he started the song that he had only written this song that day and last minute decided to include it in the show. I felt like God had done this just for me. He shared that it came from Genesis 12 when God told Abram to leave his country for something unknown. A verse that I've clung to over the last few years is Hebrews 11:8 'By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going.'

Here I am sitting in a dark auditorium amongst my fellow teammates. We've just returned from our time in the Philippines and are faced with a giant question of what's next? I was just overwhelmed as Mr. Odegard began singing the song. To be honest, I don't really remember the lyrics of the song, I was just so caught with the title and thinking about the call of Abram. 

Well, I've just left TREK. I've departed, but I've yet to arrive. Not only because I literally am not home yet, but just thinking in the bigger scheme of things. Home is not here, home is not a house in Kansas, it's not even a house! My home is with my creator. 

So. I've departed. I've departed onto a journey where God is calling me to be faithful and obedient to his guidance. Sometimes the road is a little rocky, the path might be narrow, but man, the company is great and the view is breathtaking!

I know you still want to know what's next, guess what? So do I! I don't really know. But there is something so precious about trusting in the Lord. It's completely terrifying, but so exciting and beautiful! 

Tell me about your journey!

Until next time...